I think I got it from movies. Stupid stereotypes. Ugh.

The girl of your dreams…some say they’re devoted to your every whim. I balk at the thought, feeling a shallow sense of disgust. That’s not my dream girl…but in all honesty, it may not exactly describe her but it hits close to reality (haha, punzz). She somehow blends well into my topsy-turvy life, and we always work it out (which would be my whim, to work it out because I’m tired of feeling abandoned or fucked up). Of course she’d need to be bright (I’m pretentious). Cheerful because that’s attractive, a smile. And quirky enough to disrupt the lethargic tedium of my life, stirring up the dull and bland currents of it. Of course she’s cute. Of course after something that I did–that something that you normally do or wish other people would acknowledge or praise you for–looks into my eyes after being exposed to creativity/talent and does that head-cock and soft sigh. She would use words like “beautiful” and “soft” or “touching”. Her shoulders would drop and I’d get lost in her eyes. Lets even say I fuck this moment up. This is what separates her from all the other “perfect” girls: in my moment of ecstasy and vulnerability, I’m over taken by intrusive thoughts and self-sabotage and blurt something out that would normally scare or push someone away. She responds with something of her own, cute in retrospect but it makes you comfortable in your own skin, helps you trust yourself around her and reassure you that she understands on some deep level you both don’t quite understand yet but will one day because of the love that flourishes between you two; it’s maybe a blurt-out of her own, something that reveals a vulnerable spot in her seemingly seamless presence.

She shares your favorite role models or whatever, at least some of them. She has her own, enough to open doors for you so you could explore fields and come across ideas yet to come. She’s okay with “singing and dancing in the rain”, and actually, she encourages it. She slips in your favorite quote as if it was no big deal for her, she does it all the time. It just happened to be your favorite quote: the same quote that she greatly appreciates and cherishes herself. She’s goofy and is completely alright with embarrassing herself (somehow). She even gets you to release your inhibitions.

Except I figured I finally found a way to get around that stupid pitfall all other hopeless romantics have. She’d want to do things of her own. As I keyed on earlier, however, of course they’re somehow awesome and work out well in terms of warranting my participation and attention or it evokes a sense of wonderment in me. They never conflict with me, and on the off chance that they do, we work it out through some emotionally charged altercation(s) where our bond grows stronger and we have more respect for each other. Peeerfect. Ugh.

Fuck maniac pixie dream girls. People are just people. We all have our own issues, we’re all trying to figure life out. I need some real, down-to-my-core perspective.

But what happens when I lay down to go to sleep? Or the music’s up loud and I’m stuck in a daze? fffffff.

What’s “SEO”? Apparently I should know about these things. And wp.com doesn’t have plugins other than those built-in? Poopy. What to do, what to do…

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