[PT] I don’t know what my brain is doing

I don’t know. It seems like to improve is to move forward and to not is to stand still. Yes, you can tell me about actions that would seemingly “set you back” or create “regression” of sorts but I see it differently. When you stand still, the person you are is not a finite, static point that is governed by a set of possibilities that only have two outcomes. You are spread out across a vast spectrum of possibilities. Within that one moment, you are capable of a lot of things that may or may not be dictated by forces such as values or rationale. I have yet, though, to determine if your spectrum shrinks or rather concentrates in different zones as you improve, so I can’t say you don’t really have that high of a possibility to do something that is “against” your improvement, as you improve. If, for whatever reason, your possibilities don’t change as you “improve”, then it means we’re always standing still. And that’s okay. Because Continue reading

[PT] If I told you I wanted to be a river, would you stop talking to me?

Time ticks away silently; good thing it’s neutral. I’d hate me if I was Time. To be defied so pathetically and on a consistent basis, too. “The kid knows enough. He doesn’t know a lot but it’s a good start. So is there any excuse for his defiance, his squandering of my gifts? Of course not.” Time is neutral though and doesn’t see why it would be but hey. It is what it is. I can’t help but reflect, I am what I am.

Is this the part where I take a closer look at myself and realize that I can do more? That life can be more? If only I did something, right? It’s like I can see the thematic progression of events from a dissociative stance and skip to the end. That’s the weird part. If I can pretty much write out the story up until the end, why stop at the end? Continue reading