[PT] Shame and self-image

There are three different ways to say this, from what I’ve written. Here they are.

1.) It is entirely plausible I was reared valuing self-image shaming.

2.) I can’t say it’s a direct result of being exposed to the values held by those respected individuals around me, I feel much more inclined to say that’s just how it translated. Growing up, people who are more fit/more muscular were assholes (and this was reinforced by my peers, etc.). Therefore, if I were to take a personal interest in building up my physique, I too would be shallow and asshole-esque. People who put a lot of thought into their wardrobe (even if it wasn’t out of impressing others but rather not attract unwanted attention) were shallow or cared too much about social standards.

I don’t want to be shallow. I don’t want to bend over backwards to follow social standards like mere cattle. I also feel like improving my wardrobe and getting more fit wouldn’t bring me happiness though a (may it be a shallow and “wrong”) part of me feels like it would help. I feel like I would physically and mentally feel better. Maybe not happy but better. I don’t know how to reconcile this confliction other than to just ignore it and try to learn from my experiences as I adventure into body image. At this point in my life, I feel like those ideals are more about self-image shaming and that isn’t cool. I can’t speak for the people whom I thought were dicks or just generally pompous and aloof but I can say this much: I’m gonna try my damnedest to do this right.

3.) Grew up believing I should feel ashamed of taking interest in self-image. This resulted in development issues of self-esteem. I still don’t know if what I was taught will work out for the better in the end (whether or not they were right); I kind of feel as though I should’ve let myself dance with the possibility of being shallow and a slave to social dogma growing up, at least if I “fell from grace” I could for myself learn and feel conviction behind the idea of not doing so.

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One response to “[PT] Shame and self-image

  1. This is why I stopped caring about my gender stuff, which was largely based in poor self image. Do. What. You. Want. There’s always the potential for people to give you shit, no matter what you do. Honestly, and this may sound obvious, but do what’s going to make you feel good about yourself, because that’s the whole point. The cool thing about self image is that it’s a SELF image; it’s something that you build for yourSELF.

    Idk.

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